"We have these things called football pitches"

Parscelona @ Worldnet 2003

Alas so much has already been said on Parscelona's discussion forum about this trip I feel that I have nothing left to contribute on the non-football front. Walking into doors, ending up in gay bars, large Canadian medievalist women, I think it's all been discussed. In fact I think the only things not mentioned so far are Davie Galloway being compared to Kenny Rogers and Grant Macleod receiving a phone call from a mystery woman threatening to stab him in the heart. So here's a refresher on what actually happened on the pitch.

HUDDERSFIELD

Colin McKean had already put one effort over the bar by the time he grabbed the opener, latching onto a through ball from Calum Booth. He might have made it two-nil had he not fallen over and sclaffed his next effort.

Following a couple of comedy throw-in moments, once again including Chris Ozog, Huddersfield began to get back into the game. Grant Cotter was forced into a couple of good saves, but at the cost of a corner from which Huddersfield eventually equalised.

In the second half, Colin McKean spooned one more effort over the bar before Ross Arnott delivered one effort wide of the target. Despite some late pressure and a corner in the dying minutes however, it remained 1-1. It was a game that could have been won but at least it was a better start to the day than we managed in the last couple of years.

GRIMSBY (FRIENDLY)

Parsca kept themselves going with their first friendly of the day. The match looked as if it might be another draw in the making when Parsca were denied by their own finishing (Cammy, Keith and two particularly awful efforts from Fraser Clark) and Grimsby were kept at bay by Mark Falconer's impressive goalkeeping.

In the second half, Parsca had to weather some hairy moments with another great save from Mark Falconer and a couple of moments of excellent defending from Jamie Wilson. Just as it looked like the game was to finish without score, a fine ball from Grant Cotter on the right wing crept past the defender and was controlled by Alan Maxwell, who slid the ball under the keeper from ten yards to give Parsca the win.

BIRMINGHAM

Parsca returned to competitive action against Birmingham and took the lead on the stroke of half time. Colin McKean set up Calum Booth, who sent a low shot in from the edge of the box.

The lead was extended in the second half when Colin McKean skinned a Brum defender and fired a superb shot into the roof of the net.

Birmingham got a goal back with a long range effort. The ball looked to be going over the bar but at the last minute it dropped faster than Grant Cotter's jaw in a Leeds nightclub, evading the scrambling arms of Davie Galloway, who had decided to take a shot in goal for this game. I tried desperately to come up with a suitable pun for this incident using a Kenny Rogers song but I'm afraid "don't take your gloves to town" is the closest I've managed.

Parsca's best efforts were not enough to extend their lead. Colin McKean got on the end of a good ball from Grant Cotter but hit it straight at the keeper from 6 yards. He had another attempt before the game was over, this time hitting the woodwork and Grant Cotter was unlucky to hit the rebound wide.

WATFORD (FRIENDLY)

Parsca followed up their first win of the group stages with another in a friendly against Fraser's southern mates. The game should have been wrapped up by half time but Colin, Fraser, Ross and Grant all put shots into the trees behind the goals and Alan Maxwell was denied when a rare on-target header was cleared off the line.

In the second half, traitorous weasel Fraser Clark defected to the enemy, but Watford's Dave Messenger clearly recognised a good team when he saw one and pulled on a Parscelona jersey to balance things out. After Callum Norris and Calum Booth both had further efforts on goal, Colin McKean eventually grabbed a deserved winner for Parscelona with a looping shot from the edge of the box. Get it right up ye, Fraz.

(note: both teams actually made it out for a curry together that night - wouldn't you just love to be a waiter in a restaurant full of fifty Scots and Londoners)

DONCASTER

A dull first half was livened up only by Parscelona's claim for a penalty when Doncaster's goalkeeper misjudged a kickout, missed the ball and kicked Alan Maxwell almost as far as he'd have got the ball.

The second half was a lot better but Doncaster took the lead after catching Parscelona out with a quick free kick.

Colin McKean almost equalised with a good low drive that was touched onto the post by the goalkeeper but made a proper job of it when a similar chance arose later on. The ball at first got caught under McKean's feet but he soon regained control, beat one defender and fired it home to grab Parsca another point, securing Parscelona a place in the first round of the knock-out stages for the first time.

NOTTINGHAM FOREST 

Parscelona's first foray into the knock-out stages got off to a flyer when Grant Macleod gave Parscelona the lead with a curling free kick into the top corner of the net.

The lead did not last long though and a nippy Forest striker managed to beat goalkeeper Grant Cotter to the ball to level the game. Forest grabbed the lead before half time with a freak mis-hit shot from the edge of the box.

The game was effectively ended early in the second half when a cross to the back post was turned into the Parsca net by defender Chris Ozog. Parsca could not match Forest and managed only one real chance, a Colin McKean shot that was saved at the near post.

COVENTRY (FRIENDLY)

Parsca rounded off Sunday's activity with a friendly against Coventry, a fixture that had seen a fantastic own goal by Jamie Wilson the year before.

Being the last game and only a friendly, some eccentric tactical decisions were made, which included Alan Maxwell playing in the centre of midfield. Despite not being in his usual striker's role he still came close to opening the scoring with a woefully mis-hit cross that almost ended up in the net.

Ross Arnott and Colin McKean both had good efforts as well, but it was Grant Cotter who gave Parsca the lead. Showing some terrific skill, the gay bar-frequenting Rosyth man showed immense skill, dribbling past a couple of men before sticking it right in there.

The second half saw Ross Arnott, Alan Maxwell, Jamie Wilson and Colin McKean all fire shots high into the same trees that had taken a pummelling the day before. Despite the terrible finishing, Parscelona still managed to get another goal to kill the game off. A corner was sent to the back post where Davie Galloway rose like a salmon to head majestically home, grabbing his first Parscelona goal exactly four years and four months after making his debut. No, I'm not making this up, Davie G really did score a goal.

That's all, folks. A final thank you to Johnnie for undertaking the largely thankless task of organising it all and I'd just like to finish this report by saying, in the spirit of the whole weekend... I've got something to put in you.

Parscelona squad: C. Norris, J. MacDougall, A. Maxwell, G. Macleod, C. Ozog, F. Clark, G. Cotter, M. Falconer, C. McKean, K. Rogers D. Galloway, K. Rapley("That Canadian Medievalist was mine if I'd wanted"), C. Wilson, R. Arnott, C. Booth, J. Wilson