From: Keith Rapley
To: Parscelona
Subject: Re: [parscelona] Sheffield
Date: 04 December 2000 11:20


Mucho confusion on the travel front is finally sorted out, as the nine
travelling down to Sheffield are squeezed into a Cleo and a Polo. Both cars
arrive safely in the late evening, and meet up with our new chum Calum, who's
come up from Peterborough by train. While the youth and Soul Boy element retire
to their room with Steven's Nintendo, the other six head off to Club Wow for a 
pre-match warm-up. After failing to pull anything - not even a hamstring
(where's the dolphin trainer when you need him?) - everyone got back to the
hotel. Thereafter followed what will be known as the 'Dirty Burd' episode,
which is too bizarre to describe here but no doubt will feature in future
Parsca legends. Everyone got up the next day for breakfast, and we got to the
ground in plenty of time to hang around for fifteen minutes as they opened the
dressing rooms up.

With only a squad of ten, the home team donate their manager and a bloke with
glasses to make up the numbers. The Internet Owls left back is a Pars fan fae
Kelty and he's brought his Pars top, but the Owls decide to keep him. Everyone
has recovered from the night before, including lightweight Calum the
Peterborough shandy-drinker who dropped into a coma within seconds of sitting
down in the wrong room after getting back from the club the night before, and
missed the antics of Dirty Burd, despite having her sitting on his lap wearing
nothing but a towel. The Keeper Fairy failed to come up with the goods, so
Allllan has to take up residence between the sticks. The goals look awfy big
with Allllan in them. Grant and Big J form the central defence, with the youth
element at full back. Steven is gutted that he didn't get a chance to meet his
WWF heroes, who are in panto at the Sheffield Arena that night, while Scott
doesn't say anything. Fraz moves to central midfield along with Calum, flanked
by the interchangeable Owls on the left and Rapley on the right. Col and Jamie
form the Crawford/Bullen partnership up front. After the toss, Parsca turn
round to face the wind in the first half.


>1. 1-0, I'm megged at the near post.

Grant misses a last-ditch tackle; forward gets toe to ball and trundles through
keeper's legs. 10 mins.

>2. 2-0, free run on goal, I think

Huge wind-assisted punt by their keeper; bounces outside box; Grant tells JMD
to knock it back to keeper, but JMD thinks he's been told to leave it to
keeper, and forward nips in to poke it past line-bound keeper. 18 mins.

>3. 3-0, defensive mix up (Grant says "keeper's on", Johnnie thinks "keeper's
>ball")

Through ball not cleared on edge of box; forward gets in shot; keeper dives and
gets hand to it but can't keep it out. 20 mins.

>[2 & 3] may be the other way round, but I definitely remember that it was
>the third goal I managed to get my hands too)

Yup.

>4. 4-0, from a corner I think - fired in from the edge of the box and I
>couldn't see it until too late

Half-cleared corner to edge of box. 42 mins.

>5. 5-0, the penalty incident

Two-footed assault on forward by keeper. Claims he 'slipped'. 45 mins.

Game dominated by wind blowing straight down the pitch, which was on the side
of an exposed hill. Very wet, especially in the boxes, where it cut up badly,
but it had a good covering of grass. Probably a mistake to try and take the
game to them, even though Col came close with a couple of efforts, as we were
exposed whenever they hacked a clearance up the park. Three goals were
defensive boo-boos, the other two were avoidable but typical of what happens in
these games. The two goals just before half-time were the killers.



>SECOND HALF

With a completely different game expected, Grant moves into midfield and Rapley
drops to central defence. 

>6. Grant tries a longe range effort that drops over the bar
>7. 5-1, our penalty incident, I wasn't allowed to take it

Fraz tripped in box. Scores penalty. I had Allllan in first goal sweep, so feel
cheated. 47 mins.

>8. 5-2, can't remember the goal or who scored it

Calum. Low shot into corner. 55 mins.

>9. 5-3, likewise

Col runs in at angle and pokes it home. 78 mins.

>10. 6-3, run in at goals again I think

Break down our left. 84 mins.

>11. 7-3, likewise I think

Same again. 88 mins. Everyone with pace (and Johnnie) committed forward.

>
>Other incidents that I remember, but can't recall when they happened:
>*1st half - I actually managed to save one, it was then cleared and Steven C
>got hacked down
>
>*At some point (5-3? 6-3?) that they should have scored another when I tried
>(and failed) to tackle someone outside the box who'd beaten the defence - he
>put it wide though

5-3, and the sight of Allllan fluttering forward him must have unnerved him.

>*Shortly after this, a bloke was one-on-one with me but fired wide again
>
>*Grant hit the post with a free kick - 5-1? 5-2?
>

As expected, 95% of the second half is played in their half. They drop almost
everyone back arond the edges of the box and we keep plugging away. Goals come
at steady intervals but with JMD pushed into midfield we are a bit short of
pace when they get the odd break. This eventually caught us out towards the end
as they made it 6-3, and though Grant hit the post with his free-kick, they got
another one at the very end. With a little of the luck that they had enjoyed in
the first half, we would have got the goals back, but it was not to be. Without
the wind we would probably have beaten them, as we played the better football
when we had the ball, but made too many mistakes in the conditions. The
scoreline doesn't reflect the closeness of the game. The Owls nominated Col as
our MotM and he picked up the coveted Sammy the Tammy mug. Despite the slippery
pitch and the occasional over-robust challenges from the Owls, everyone got
through the full game without being subbed or getting injured, except for
Allllan, who will probably make the most of his staved thumb.

>And it has now emerged, after one sleepless night and a couple of X-rays,
>that between the 2nd and 3rd Sheffield goals I managed to break my thumb
>while fumbling the ball out for a corner.

And so to the Wednesday - QPR game, which was highly entertaining and well
worth the entrance fee. Steven C managed to pull the Scottish-pound-note-that-
looks-like-a-fiver-to-a-dopey-pie-stall-operative trick, while Allllan made new
friends with a scary bald bloke in a leather trenchcoat. And we all got home in
one piece. Anyone know a fun-lovin', big car owning, Pars-supporting keeper
without chocolate wrists, butter fingers and brittle bone disease?

Keith stoRyteller